Protect-A-Child-Today! Executive Director, Stanley D. Wilson, Ph.D., responds to questions and provides articles on parenting and child safety.

Dear Dr. Wilson, "Our son gets decent grades, but would do much better if he applied himself toward his homework. My husband and I are worried because next year he begins 9th grade, and his grades will count toward college. Any ideas?"

Dr. Wilson:
First let me compliment you for expecting the best from your son. Parents are wise to set high and realistic expectations of their children. That strategy gives kids the best chance at maximizing their academic potentials, as well as building positive self-esteem. Parents who set the bar either too low or too high set their children up for both frustration and lower self-esteem.

Start by trying to identify why your son is not applying himself. Is he bored? Depressed? Disinterested? Disorganized? Or, is it as simple as poor study habits? Ask him, then try to catch him when he is applying himself and praise him lavishly. As we say at Family Resources Northwest, "water the flowers, not the weeds!" Lecturing your boy or putting him on restriction isn't likely to help. If he is like most middle school children, he lacks the self-discipline to improve his grades without some structuring and supervising on your part. Give him a specific place in the house where he can do his homework, preferably one free of distraction. Get more involved by communicating positively with his teachers and getting their suggestions. Spot check his homework and hold him accountable. That means withholding TV, computer, telephone, skateboard, or whatever activity your child most wants until he makes a good effort and completes his homework. Some children will lie about their homework (they never have any or finished it at school), so you may need to use a Homework Assignment Sheet (listing assignments followed by the teacher's initials) or consult the Homework Hotline (to learn exactly what's been assigned and when it's due). In most all cases, the combination of structure, supervision, praise and accountability will ensure your child's success. These and other effective strategies are offered in our Parent Project® and Common Sense Parenting® classes.

Finally, a great motivator for a soon-to-be ninth-grader is to attend an interesting and informative (and free) lecture at College Planning Solutions, Inc., (CPSI). Ideally, both you and your husband will go with him. This will tell your son that his high school education is of the utmost importance, and that you and your husband are "pulling on the same end of the rope." CPSI can be reached at (425) 823-7700.

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